how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
