I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
