got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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