you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize