i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
