Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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