dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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