There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
