It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
