I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
