Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Drunk is a universal language darling
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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