The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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