I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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