My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
