I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
