he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
