I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
