i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
