Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
