So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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