I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
