dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
