just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
