if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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