he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
