You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
