Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
