I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
