oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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