Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
