was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
