Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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