Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize