There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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