She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
