At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
