Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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