i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
