u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
