Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize