Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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