Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
