I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
