Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
