You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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