Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize