When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
