I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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