We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
