My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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