No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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