I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
