thus making me awesome and them whores
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
