Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
