My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
