would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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