Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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