I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
