when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
