Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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