Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He passed out mid-signature
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
