as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You made out with two different species that night
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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