if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
