She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Two words: blizzard sex
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
