Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
