Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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